I never thought I’d be the kind of person who needed therapy. I thought I was strong enough to handle my emotions and process my past on my own. But life has a way of piling things on, and eventually, I reached a point where I knew I couldn’t do it alone anymore. That’s when I decided to try EMDR therapy—something I had heard about but never fully understood until I was desperate enough to give it a try.

For those who don’t know, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a type of psychotherapy specifically designed to help people process and heal from traumatic memories. It sounds a little out there at first—therapists use guided eye movements, sounds, or taps to help clients work through their painful experiences. I was skeptical, but I was also willing to try anything if it meant I could feel a little more at peace.

Whenever we think about PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), our minds always jump to those who are in combat. But the truth is: you can get PTSD from a myriad of different things. 

My First Session: The Uncomfortable Beginning

When I walked into my therapist’s office for my first EMDR session, I was nervous. I’d done talk therapy before, but this felt different. My sauna therapy therapist explained how EMDR works: it doesn’t require you to talk endlessly about your trauma but instead focuses on reprocessing your memories and emotions in a way that allows your brain to heal naturally.

I didn’t fully get how eye movements or tapping could help me, but I figured I had nothing to lose. My therapist asked me to think about a memory that had been bothering me—something small but painful—and to rate the level of distress I felt about it on a scale from 1 to 10. Once I had the memory in mind, we began.

The therapist asked me to follow her fingers as they moved back and forth in front of my eyes, while I kept the memory in focus. At first, it felt strange. I was hyper-aware of the awkwardness, and part of me wanted to stop, but something inside me knew I needed to push through. After a few moments, something unexpected happened: my mind began to wander. Memories and emotions started to flood in, not just related to the event I was thinking of but other connected experiences, too.

The Emotional Floodgates Opened

As the session continued, I was overwhelmed by the flood of emotions that came pouring out of me. I had memories resurface that I hadn’t thought about in years—some that I had buried so deep I didn’t even realize they were affecting me.

EMDR didn’t require me to speak out loud about everything I was experiencing, but my therapist was there, checking in, guiding me when I needed it. I was processing emotions at a rapid pace, and it felt exhausting but strangely liberating. I could feel myself peeling back layers of pain that had been holding me hostage for so long.

At one point, I broke down in tears. It felt like my body was finally releasing something I had been holding onto for years. The strange thing was, I wasn’t even fully aware of all the emotions I was carrying until they were out in the open, right there in front of me.

The Aftermath: Tired but Lighter

After my first EMDR session, I was drained—emotionally, mentally, physically. It felt like I had run a marathon, but instead of using my legs, I had used my heart and mind. The weirdest part? I felt lighter. The memory I had started with no longer held the same power over me. It was still there, but it was like I had disarmed it, taken away its sharp edges.

Over the next few days, I noticed subtle changes in myself. I wasn’t as reactive to certain triggers, and I felt a sense of calm that I hadn’t experienced in a long time. The heavy emotional weight that I had been carrying for years felt like it had lessened, even if only slightly. It was a small victory, but in the context of my personal struggles, it felt monumental.

The Ongoing Process of Healing

EMDR isn’t a magic fix. One session wasn’t enough to completely erase my pain or my trauma, but it opened a door I had long kept closed. It was like giving my brain permission to finally start processing all the things I had been too afraid to face.

Over the next few weeks, I continued EMDR, session by session. Each time, I felt a little lighter, a little less tethered to the past. The process was intense, and some days, I didn’t feel like going through it again. But with every session, I saw more progress. My old traumas slowly became just memories—no longer the dark, looming shadows that they once were.

What EMDR Taught Me

Trying EMDR therapy was one of the best decisions I made for my mental health. It taught me that healing isn’t about forgetting the past or erasing painful memories. It’s about reprocessing them, learning to view them through a new lens, and giving your brain the tools it needs to move forward.

I learned that trauma doesn’t have to define you, and you don’t have to relive it forever. EMDR gave me a way to take control of my healing journey and finally release the things that had been weighing me down.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in your trauma, if you’ve ever felt like your past is still controlling your present, I would encourage you to give EMDR a try. It’s not an easy process, but it’s one that could lead you to a place of healing that you didn’t think was possible. Because if there’s one thing I learned from EMDR, it’s that healing is always possible—even when it feels out of reach.

And sometimes, the most powerful step you can take is the one that helps you finally let go.